Saturday, May 1, 2010

So maybe I should actually start blogging...

Like discussing what's going on in my life. I've not done it before because I've had no life. It's been the same ol', same ol' for the last 5+ years, since I've left my job in December 2004 because of disability. If you're family, you can stop reading now, I'm sure you're tired of hearing about my health and my problems.

I've been patient...I've had to be. Although, I guess at times, I've appeared impatient. But I haven't really. Not impatient, just unsure. I'm bored. I'm feeling useless. I'm feeling like I'm being kicked down continuously. Like nobody is listening, and no body cares. I'm stuck in that red tape. I needed a certain assistive device, basically a wheelchair, which I finally got. But now I have a wheel chair I can't use! I get a wheel chair to finally return to work and now I can't transport the wheel chair with the car I have! I can't get a job without that car and I can't afford a new car/minivan/handicap accessible vehicle until I get a job.

So, I'm tired of waiting for my luck to turn, or for things to fall into place. So I decided to throw myself into my job search. I went down to CareerLink and renewed/revised my resume. (Damn! I can't get it any shorter than two pages....three if you count my references!) Anyway, I'll be 5o years old this year...I've got a lot of work experience! :D

So, between CareerLink visits (a woman there commented that I'm there a lot....I told her she's gonna see a lot of me until I find work), and accessing what info and resources I can on the computer at home, I managed to send out 28 resumes/applications this week!!! Plus, I've scheduled 4 trips to Harrisburg to take 4 separate Civil Service Exams. Getting any one of the jobs I applied for would be awesome....but I'd really love to stay/return to Social Service.

I've made some calls this week to old friends/co-workers/supervisors in an effort to get some references and to network for work. Thanks to all my friends for being so understanding...and patient.

So, I'll let next week ride. I'll go to church tomorrow, pray, put myself on the prayer list, attend my doctor visits, take my exam on Tuesday, maybe even make it to the gym on Thursday....maybe.

So, this is my new mantra....My best days are ahead of me....hence, why I put the Danny Gokey video here.

It's been hard, not only on me, but on my husband, Tim. He's been keeping the family financially afloat. It hasn't been easy on him, and it's changed him...and not for the better. He's more critical...argumentative, ... drinks more... :( That's the worst part. He's not the man I married. And he and my son, Cody, are strained. They mix like oil and water.

I'm ready to give up the house, but the sad part is, we owe more on the house than what it's worth. And it's worth less now than when we bought it. Repairs haven't been made...there hasn't been the money to do them. The porch is ready to fall down around our ears. Tim barricaded the steps to keep people from going up and falling through...unfortunately, he barricaded it with a pallet. Yep...white trash and red necks all the way! o_0

Oh yeah, the IRS and PA Dept of Revenue are beating down our door....back taxes....and we are ineligible for any assistance because we make too much! Are you kidding me? How about noticing that my husband is self-employed....and is taxed at a higher rate! He can't even afford health insurance....so check his income after taxes and stuff....then tell us we make too much.

Yeah, that's what I've been doing for the last five years...feeling sorry for myself. So now it's time to become proactive. Job! Job! JOB! That will help.

Pray for me.

With Love,

Jojo <3

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